good night

It's 3am in the morning and I am wide awake. Tired but can't seem to close my eyes. I browse through some online shopping website and hooked the minute the website loads and quickly hit the x sign at the top right corner before I make any purchases that I will regret. Not thinking straight. If I stay on the website longer, the whole night will be, I need this, add to cart, I need this too, add to cart, oh I've been looking for this, add to cart, this, add to cart, that, add to cart - see what I mean? so ... remove product, remove product, remove product, close website! So proud of myself I have self control*pats my back

Anyway, I feel like I haven't been writing about myself in a while. I mean, I write about my day, my family, funny things that happened, I never really write about how I feel. If that makes any sense to you.

So today, I feel ... tired and emotional.

If I can open up here, I might as well should. I am turning 25 this year and it makes me think of what I've done with my life so far and how have I grown from the person I was last year. At this age, I couldn't help but keep looking at my career growth. 10 years back, I wouldn't have guessed that I would end up in engineering. If I have to do it all over again, I really do think I would still pick engineering as a career. Of course, the studies weren't easy, there was a lot of oh God, please, but then again, other courses would be as difficult on a different way. I have been working for 3 years now and I've learned a lot along the way. If my university self is listening to me right now, she'd be like - what on earth are you crapping at this time? Did you hit your head again? Hahahaha. I had some down times in university and despite all that obstacles, I clawed my way back up and seeing where I am now, makes me feel thankful. I know that I'm not on the top of the world and there is still so much out there to learn and explore (no doubt!), but with what I have now.... Alhamdulillah.

So that's career. Family?

I couldn't be more grateful to have my mother when I was growing up. We didn't have all the money in the world then, so for everything she has sacrificed to put me through school is something I could never pay her back. Now? Oh now she's living her sweet time traveling around leaving me babysitting my sisters. Duh.

I am the big sister in my family and I have 4 younger sisters looking up to me. That's not easy. Whatever you do, you set an example to your younger siblings whether you meant it or not. From what you say to what you wear. You do it. Why can't I? See, as a sister who tries so hard to protect their sisters from doing what you think isn't right for them, this is the last sentence you wanna hear coming out of their mouth. How are you gonna explain that? Because I've done it that I don't think you should. Oh yeah, like that's not gonna backfire you. At the end of the day, you can only advise that far. Anyone who knows me, they know that I am a bit too protective over my sisters. I would be lying if I say I don't have any regrets in life. Things I wish I didn't do. Everyone does. It's peer pressure, you guys. You look at all your friends smoke, they make lung cancer seems so cool !! See, these are the kind of things I wanna protect my sisters from. Its's a craaaazyyyy world we live in! My sister would scream Unfairrrrr! to me when they read this bahahahaha I don't care. 

My sisters and I have never been closer! We are all busy with our own stuffs during the weekdays, I have work, they have schools, but we always MAKE time for each other every once in a while. We will have our karaoke day, or monopoly night that we will stay up till late night. Then the next morning, I show up to work with dark circles and eye bags. Sexy.

My social life?

Well, I remember feeling all sad and emo reminiscing the past, the good times shared together. But after school, everyone goes off to different universities and then you only see each other during holidays and now that everyone is working, you see each other on occasions. Weddings are our reunions. Most of my friends are now happily married, and honestly I am so happy for each one of them. I remember calling my dear friend Leha the night before she got married and we talked for one good hour and cried on the phone talking about how we met and everything we've gone through together. Why do you have to go get married?! But, apparently everyone around you is moving on with their lives but the important things don't change. When we do have the time to meet up, it means the world.

My love life?

*blush* It's going really really well. We fight sometimes (duh, who doesnt), but that's because Nash is so annoying and won't say sorry. Ok, I'm kidding. Nash is the best, I have no complaints. Let's just say, I'm the luckiest girl.

Okay I'm done. Sorry if you think I'm rambling with no reason. I guess it's just one of those days when you just feel ..... old. Sigh, 25 soon. Someone please stop the time?

Okay now I'm really done. Time to go to sleep. Goodnight!