HIV test

Was I nervous?

OMAGADDDD !!!!!!

It was so scary. It was my first time and I had no idea what to expect. The needle could have been the size of my fist! (I'm being a drama-queen here. No needle is that big. Or yes?) Usually I would ask my bestfriend, Mr Google everything but for some reason I didn't think to do that before I went for the test. Too nervous, cannot think. 

Nash and I have a full day schedule so we thought it would be easier we get the test done first thing in the morning before anything else. Reached the clinic, registered ourselves, patiently waiting for our turn to come. I look at the queue number, 10 more people before our turn comes. Ok, relax Azrah, you can do this.

7 more people, Wah so fast. I haven't calmed myself down.

5 more people. Think I need to go toilet. Toilet, where is toilet?!

I look at Nash, comfortably has his head leaned back at the sofa, falling asleep fast -____-

3 more people. Oh god, oh god.

2 more people. Sayang wake up! Who goes first, you or me? You go first..

1 more people. No, I should go first.

Ting! (That number display sound) Our turn. 

OK I CHANGED MY MIND YOU GO FIRST! 

It's better that Nash goes first. So Nash can tell me how was it so I have an idea how badly to expect. Nash came out after about 5mins with his right hand pressing a cotton bandage against his left thumb.

Ok how was it? Sakit tak?

Baby, it's so painful you won't be able to take it. With his face all scrunched up pretending macam sakit gila! Now go, your turn! Asking me to hurry. To get a fist sized needle pricked into my skin through my bones. Oh sure, I'll hurry now.

So I went into the doctor's office expecting the world's pain. Sitting down slowly, not saying a word trying to get my physical ready. No doctor, just a nurse. She asked for one of my finger, whichever comfortable. I gave my index finger then the nurse took out this one very small little needle. CEHHHHH SO SMALL I HAVE TAKEN BIGGER I GOT ALL NERVOUS FOR NOTHING.

So I was like happily giving my finger, here, prick away. Don't mind me singing while you do that. As soon as that small little no big deal needle pricked through, OUCHHHHH WHAT WAS SO PAINFUL?!! The nurse judged me a little I could see it in her eyes. Damn, I underestimated the needle.

Then the nurse drop my blood into this small blood test kit. A drop of blood. All these pains for one drop of blood. Nevermind, at least the hard part is over, I said.

Then the nurse said, "That's not the hard part."

Wait, what? There's more of this?!

"The hard part is the waiting part. To find out the result"

I wasn't even thinking of that. I just thought that everything is gonna be okay and everything is gonna be the same. That I will walk out of this room happier knowing that I still don't have HIV like I didn't 30 mins ago, but now with official medical paper as a proof.

"So umm, you get cases that people came to do blood test and found out they have HIV?"

While talking, I couldn't move my eyes from the test kit. Come on two lines, come on show yourselves! Oh by the way, one line means positive, two lines means negative. And also, the lines are in red. So don't go freak out and get all emotional when you see the result shows RED line (which I did not do) It is not red negative and green positive. It is one line or two lines - that's how you read it.

"Not many, but yeah we do."

I don't know if I'm ignorant or too optimistic to think that we Malaysians would all be HIV free.

"So these people, what do they do next? Can't expect them to walk out of the clinic and go back to live their normal lives after they found out. You schedule them up for therapy, check up, and stuff?"

"That, yes. But first we set them up for an appointment with a psychiatrist. Get them emotionally stable" 

At this point, my test kit, one line has formed it's shape completely. The second line, hurry up show yourself!

"Ahh I see. Couldn't imagine the things that go through their minds when they found out"

"Yeap. If we didn't get through to them, they would take the easy way. Suicide."

"Yeah I totally get it, it's ..." at this point of our intense conversation, I really felt sorry for those people who found out they've been infected with HIV. May God bless them with strength. But before I could finish my sentence the nurse hand me a blue paper and said "Ok done, here you go, you're HIV free"

Yayy! (my heart jumps up and down in joy, totally have forgotten my heartfelt condolences to those HIV positives ish ish ish) By the way, all these talking between me and the nurse happened in less than 5mins timespan. Seems long when you read it, right? I knoww, it felt like forever to me too! I think it's the nervousness of the waiting part. Hehehehe.

HIV test done! One step closer, guys!