Men and Women Jokes

Jokes 1 :

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. 

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” 

“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” 

“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” 

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says... 

“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

Note : Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat them as delightful and generous bank accounts :P

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jokes 2 :

A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. 

The woman said, "This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." 

The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. 

The woman would not take it back and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

Note: Don't mess with us girls. Just don't. Hahaa.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jokes 3 :

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. 

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!" 

"Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Note: Well, women just wanted to.....you know....Ummm.....okay I have no comments. But this is just FUNNY!!